Raising A Resilient Girl Is Hard, But Study Shows Love Matters!

The matter of life is a tricky one and adding academics to it muddy's the water still. When it comes to education, everyone wants the best for their children and it is difficult to know exactly what it takes for any little girl or woman for that matter to succeed. It is even harder to understand what faculties of the mind a lady must acquire to persevere amid inevitable failures. Although knowledge and information are extremely helpful in the fight, it does not cover all the little battles that we must face in our minds as women or young girls.

 These little battles become magnified as we get older and delving into post-secondary education compounds the stress. In the age we live in it is almost inevitable that your daughter will go to university and as the job climate shifts, the STEM fields are where good jobs tend to circulate.  For young women studying in fields where they may be a minority, a constant feeling is that perhaps you do not belong and the pull to give up is strong.

 An interesting phenomenon that tends to occur to young girls is those who score higher in mathematics and sciences still end up in lower paying jobs on average. There certainly seems to be a disconnect between ability we are equipped with and the opportunities we may think we are capable of handling. The confidence to push back and take risks all affect future outcomes. Resilience is key and it is a very difficult trait to teach. I found a fascinating study that looked at how affection (love in particular), can have an effect on a child’s ability to not only do well in university but to also persevere in the face of inevitable disappointments.

 The study looked at three observable characteristics: young kids who have recovered after trauma, youth that belong to high risk groups, and those that have positive adaptation despite having high life stressors. They were then evaluated based on the critical condition of resilience and the outside factors affecting the outcomes. It was found that parents played a significant factor in the perceived “toughness” of youth in their first year of post-secondary school.

"Love Does Matter!"

 The affection of both mom and dad was important but in different ways! When youth were facing internal conflicts, like depression they called on memories of their mothers. So when you’re feeling down and think of your mom’s apple pie, its completely natural! When young kids face external conflicts like social awkwardness, they called on thoughts of their fathers. 

 Quality time and secure attachments with dad was of importance when it came to the success of young girls as they enter their mature lives. Dad’s tend to promote independence, playfulness, and physical fitness! When girls are closer to their father’s they are more confident in the ability to explore their surroundings. So spending time and finding something both dad and daughter like is a great way to tighten that bond and ensure she is full of grit! Even as we get older, the significance of those bonds only grow stronger!

The importance of being responsive was essential for mom’s. Being responsive is hard especially if you don’t know what your kid is talking about, with social media making it increasingly harder to relate. But words of affirmation, and physical touch are the ways we tend to draw on our mother’s unending love. Whether you’re 19 or 42, a hug from your mom never goes unwanted. So keep loving momma’s!

 But wait! It can’t all be love! The study also showed you can’t smother your girls. As you may have guessed, the study showed that for kids to be co-operative and successful adults, they needed a healthy balance between conceptualized attachment and the urge to break loose from their parents’ safety nets. In other words, nurture her sense of adventure so that she is free to explore and take risks.   

 I certainly remember wanting to leave home when high-school was over and done with and I never imagined the hurdles I would face when I began my engineering journey. But through all the failures and all the tears, my mom would just be there telling me it would all be fine. However, empathy demands that I acknowledge some people do not have good relationships with their parents or lost them at a young age. In such cases, having strong bonds with friends is very important. In essence, it is far harder to succeed in university without the support of your loved ones.

Trying to steer through academia in post-secondary school while keeping a balanced life and staying healthy can be tough! Being in the STEM fields can make it even harder because some courses seem as though they came straight from hell. Whether you’re a young lady navigating the waters of university or a loved one watching from afar, the bond that ties you together is the most priceless. I know this because the study said so. 

Please share, because love is the way!

Reference:

Maximo, S. I., & Carranza, J. S. (2016). Parental Attachment and Love Language as Determinants of Resilience Among Graduating University Students. SAGE Open, 6(1), 215824401562280. doi:10.1177/2158244015622800